Grades

Project Development, Preproduction, and Preparation - A
College Math - B-
Moving Image Production II - A-
Tai Chi Chuan - A
Gay and Lesbian Studies II - A-

Nigga be rockin a 3.778 GPA. HOLLLAAAAA!!!!!

Just registered for classes.

Monday
Screenwriting II, 6:30pm to 9:20pm
All the good teachers' classes are already closed :( so I got the least shitty teacher who apparently isn't too bad, but his personality is whack. Bad taste in movies, once told a class he's only teaching until he finds a real job. Um, ok. Breayne may take this class with me so hopefully I'll get through it. Until then, I'm feverishly hitting the refresh button on the class's schedule in hopes of one of the better classes opening up.

Tuesday - FUCKING CHAOS but I'm actually excited about it.
9am-11:50 - Intro to Creative Nonfiction
This may change cause my advisor said it would cover my advanced writing credit but as of now it's not coming up as such in my advising guide. I really wanna take this, though, so hopefully he'll work it out for me.

12:30-3:20 - Environmental Science
Figured I took it in high school so it shouldn't be too bad. It's a lab, which I need, and was my second choice (first choice: Dinosaur class, but of course everyone wants to take it and there's only two sections of it.)

3:30-4:50 (Tuesday and Thursday) - History of Mexico and Central America
I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS. I looked up the teacher and his name's Jose Lopez, looks cuddly, curses too much, and you are warned not to take this class if you are easily offended. FUCK. YES. AHHHHHHHH.

6:30-9:20 - Producing I
Excited about this since I've just recently discovered my taste for Assistant Directing (I'm ADing for THREE films this semester. Can't waiiiit!!)


So yeah, besides the shitty screenwriting teacher, it should be a good semester. The only thing I'm worried about is getting to my History of Mexico class but it's only a block away so I should be all right. I like having most of my shit clumped together because it'll give me more time to work - I'm most likely going to be working as a teacher's assistant and since the classes I'll be working in at 4 hours long, it's just easier to have whole days free to work. And if the screenwriting class I have my eye on opens up, then it'll be on Thursdays so I'll have Mondays completely free. DEAR GOD PLEASE.


Other than all that, the next few weeks will be fucking chaos. Production time. Starting Friday I'll be working on sets for 10 days straight. Friday-Sunday will be shooting my film. Monday-Wednesday I'm ADing for my friend Aren. Thursday and Friday I'm ADing for my friend Andrew, and Saturday and Sunday I'm ADing for Breayne. Holy. Fuck. In that I also have to find time to finish my paper for Gay and Lesbian Studies. And right now I'm supposed to be finishing my production pack for my film which is due tomorrow. I still have to finish the shot list and I haven't even started my story boards because I fucking hate story boards they're so stupid SHUT UP I HAVE A VISION AND IT'S IN MY HEAD GRR I'M A PRETENTIOUS FILMMAKER AND WANT TO DO THINGS MY WAY.


My mom and cousin will be here in 17 days. CAN'T WAIT! Oh, and I'll be 19 a few days after. Weird.

I had an advising session on Monday, and went in thinking I'd just be figuring out some classes to take for the fall semester. I left being told, "Next spring semester will be your last in Chicago" i.e. I will be in LA after that.

Holy. FUCK.

I am so fucking anxious. I did not sleep at all Monday night. Just kind of laid in bed til around 4 thinking about anything and everything that could happen. Scratch that - will happen. I need to get that in my head so I get all the shit done that I need to do. I need to have my CCP credits transferred. I need to take another class or two in the summer. I need to apply for my own loans (I don't even know where to go for that - help?)

Jack called last night, I hadn't heard from him in a while so that was nice. He said I'd have a place to stay until I get my shit together when I make the move, so that was a huge relief since I assume I'll be without a job when I first get out there.


I'll be graduated before I turn 21.

Wow, it's just so weird to think that the thing I've been wanting to do is going to happen years sooner.

I've been in Michigan a few days to see my god daughter. Maybe a longer update tomorrow when I'm home but for now here's the little brat after falling asleep eating cheese balls:

I am a pastry makin genius

Not too much going on..


I've been missing people a lot lately. My little taquito's been on a road trip so we haven't talked too much which is understandable though - I hope he's having a good time. They hit the grand canyon yesterday and should be in Vegas today. His name is Shag, I don't think I mentioned that last time. And we all refer to him as [insert random Spanish ANYTHING here, i.e. taquito, burrito, Paco, etc. lol). But yes, I miss him a lot and I hate crushes because I don't like not being able to control my emotions and I can't control that I think about him all the time. It's cute I guess.

I also miss my best friend. There's not much to say about that. It's a give in that I would miss her considering she's 800 miles away Sonic-ing it up and such. I think my time here in Chicago has been pretty close to perfect but her being here would make it 100%.

I miss my cat, too. I just wanna cuddle something and even though she hates cuddling, there's nothing wrong with forced cuddling. I don't mind holding her down with all my body weight just to pet her with my face. She hates that. LOLZ CARELAND.

And of course, my mom. When I had my stupid night I called her as soon as I got home the next morning and she made it all better. Her and my cousin Chrissy should be visiting next month which I can't fucking WAIT for.

Which brings me to Chrissy - I miss her so much, and I almost feel guilty for being away. She's pregnant. I want to be there so bad. I want to be at every doctor's visit, I want to see the ultra sound. I'm most likely going to miss the birth (she's due around Halloween!!) and that just makes me so sad. She's not just like a sister to me - she IS a sister to me, and I hate that I'm missing such important shit. But I guess that's what I have to pay for packing up to pursue my dreams and all that bullshit.

From my preproduction teacher, Dan:

I loved your pitch and I read your treatment and, first off, I just want to say that you are a terrific writer with kick-ass ideas. An original voice and vision like yours is rare. Cherish it. Don't let it go to your head, prepare to be hated by some and loved by others, and just keep following your instincts - because they are fucking great!

Needless to say, I appreciate the story you're trying to tell. The fact that you have these people living in cardboard boxes is extraordinary to me. It's risky to do things differently than everyone else. It might pay off, it might not. But it works for me, and I applaud your audacity in general.


I'm just really motivated and this is helping to push me in the right direction.

So I was helping Britt paint some shit last night. We had lots of left over paint and cardboard so I said, "Hey! Let's make cardboard kittens!!"

Her name is Plum and I love her very much. She lives on top of my TV and is dating Spinach, a green wooden cat who lives on top of Julianna's book case, next to my lamp.

Lots going on.

-Finally got a decent paycheck and then got laid off. They cut hours and since I only work weekends, well, it is what it is.

-Shot a couple movies last weekend. Production weekend with Breayne was definitely a success. I think we spent like 4 days in a row together, not counting class, and I don't remember ever getting sick of her. I like when I find people who I can genuinely have a good time with, even while doing work.

-I did some dumb shit the other night, one of those things where you wake up with regret. I talked to my mom about it and I'm just so glad we have such a unique relationship - I can tell her anything, and she always finds a way to shine a good light on it and make me realize that shit happens and that's okay.

-Last night made up for Friday's shitty night. I met a boy. He's fucking adorable. And Spanish lol. He spent the night, we "watched" a few movies.. it was cute because I thought it was more of a hang out type thing but then he said something like "do you think I'll get another date" and AHHHH. I haven't felt this giddy puppy love feeling in a long time. It's refreshing. He's going on a road trip soon so I might not see him again for a bit. Eh.

-Hit the 30 pound mark! No idea how that happened cause I haven't exercised in 2 weeks, but I really am keeping up with the diet. I had waffle fries the other day though on Marissa's birthday and felt so sick afterward. Like, the bloated gross kinda sick. I don't miss that.

-Starting preproduction for my final film, BEYOND THE BOX. Spent 4 hours at Caribou with my art director and I'm just so fucking excited, I hope it turns out well - this project has become my fucking baby.

-My friend Julianna moved in a few weeks ago. I think I might've mentioned this before but just in case.. She's pretty cool, we're getting along very well but she's definitely no Sam. I miss the fuck out of that bitch.



Hmm, that might be it. I'd say overall things are going really well lately. The whole job bullshit is probably the only thing not working in my favor right now.

I broke up with Ken yesterday and I think it was the best thing to happen between us for a while.

Things have been rough lately. We barely talked (like, MAYBE 20 minutes a day) and when we did we'd end up in a fight. Valentine's night I went to bed crying because of it. Since then I had been thinking A LOT. Things started bothering me from the arguments.. then things would start really bothering me that happened long ago. And I just started becoming really pissed at him for nothing. I didn't even have to talk to him to be mad at him.

We are at completely different points in our lives. Biologically, he's ready to settle down and start a family. And honestly, I don't think I'd be ready for that for at least 10 years - if ever. I'm becoming extremely passionate with this industry, and jobs are not always stable anywhere, let alone in film. I don't even want to begin contemplating about having a family without a stable career and money flow and I really don't know when that will ever happen.

We also are at times in our lives where we really need to focus on ourselves for a while. He hasn't been sober long - he's relapsed a few times since we've been together so maybe this is the change he needed to actually succeed with his health. And I really need to buckle down with school. Don't get me wrong, I did great last semester and am on Dean's List. But this semester is only a few weeks in and I had already lost enthusiasm - which scared the FUCK out of me since all I looked forward to over winter break was coming back so I could get my hands on a new project. I went to an informational session for the Semester in LA the other day though, and it definitely gave me that boost I needed. All I've been thinking about is going out to LA now, and it's given me the motivation to put all my effort into classes now. Not even just film, but even fucking math (which is such a bullshit class, that's a whole different story though), because a good GPA definitely sticks out in art school (not to bash anyone because grades are usually no indication of a person's art).

Then there's also the fact that I think emotionally and intellectually we are in different places. He's done growing and I'm not at all. I've grown more just in the months of being in Chicago, who knows what kind of person I'll become within the rest of my years here.

Though I initiated the break up I think it became pretty mutual. He agreed with me on everything I said (well, almost), and said he knew it wouldn't last forever but just didn't want it to end now. I kept saying there's never a good time to break up but after a while we kind of decided, you know, this is actually a pretty good time. Not only the fact that it may be a little easier to get over just for the fact that I'm away so it's not like we have to see each other all the time, but also because it ended on good terms. I talked to him more yesterday then I think we've talked in two weeks just because that load is off. There's no reason for us to argue because there isn't that pressure anymore.

Don't get me wrong - I was extremely sad throughout this whole process. I'm still feeling it, because no matter what I love him so much and there is going to be that feeling of loss even though we plan on staying in each others lives.


Hm, so I guess that's it. I have work all day but it's snowing out the ass so it'll probably be super slow. But at least it's something to keep me occupied (and to fucking pay me!)

I keep seeing this flyer up for "WANTED: LEAD VOCALIST!" and when I first saw it I got all excited cause I've been wanting to play some fucking music out here forever. I only read the first line before I had to get on the elevator to go to class but it starts off asking for only male respondents.

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

I keep wanting to tear down the flyer and contact them just to see what they say when someone with a pussy, maybe, JUST MAYBE, has talent outside of fucking bouncing boobies and being groupies - and the balls to inform them of it.


Otherwise, today I had a little breakdown in MIP II which was totally fucking embarrassing. I don't think too many people even noticed, but I just hate that I can't control my emotions - I'm unable to detect when they're coming and when they do, I'm unable to suppress them. My one teacher emailed me after class, though, asking if I was okay. I was always told that college would be cold and we wouldn't get half of the attention we did in high school. Whether or not this is true, whether or not Columbia is an exception, whether or not I'm just that out there that I make an impact on this one teacher's life - it just made me feel really good that someone cared enough about me to just "check in." Last night my friend complained about not having a lot of friends here. I told her I don't either - really, I don't, lately I've only REALLY hung out with Breanna - but apparently I can't say that because people like me. And sure, a lot of people do like me and tell me how funny I am and how we should totally hang out!!!, but that in no way means they care about me. Sometimes I'm lonely, I really am, and I think that's one of the things that got to me today.

I know, I know, a lot of babbling but very little detail or meat. MOVING ON.

Things I've done this week:

-Started working
-Finished a script
-Half way through a book
-Finished one and a half seasons of Will & Grace


Oh yeah, and I weighed myself for the first time in two week. I lost another 10 pounds. That makes 20.

FUCK YEAH.

I started classes today. Gay and Lesbian Studies II and Project Development, Preproduction, and Preparation (longest fucking class name ever). They were both great. My teacher for Gay and Lesbian Studies is this perky little Irish chick named Terri. So happy and bubbly. I felt kind of weird though, because half the class we discussed labels and she'd ask lots of questions that I genuinely didn't feel like I could answer since I really don't label my sexuality. Whatev. Then my PDPP teacher, Dan, is fucking ADORABLE!!! LOVE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM!!! I think he's Buddhist. The whole class he would go on tangents about, I don't know, just really like, fucking philosophical ass inspirational shit. And inbetween inspiration he curses which is hilarious. He's a little guy too, maybe my height, and I could probably talk about him forever, like about how he loves to play Wii and how he worked with Scorcese before or about how he has some famous musician friend, Andrew Bird, who's playing Carnegie Hall tomorrow but he can't make it cause he's gotta teach.

I think this semester will be really great except now I'm dreading Math even more. They finally assigned teachers to the classes and when I looked mine up on ratemyprofessor.com EVERY rating was terrible. Apparently she's a lunatic who like, goes on tangents about hating men and just being fucking crazy. Ugh. I'm hoping another class opens up so I can swap cause there's no point in dropping the class after I already bought the fucking book.


Ummmm, yeah that's about it. Hopefully I'll be working soon, I'm supposed to be hearing from some Pep Boy's ass hole soon. Gotta make dem benjaminz.

Tonight I board a plane back to Chicago and though I'm sad to be leaving Ken and my family and friends, I'm so ready to get back to work.

Looking forward to:
-Rearranging my apartment
-Food shopping
-Seeing all my boos for dinner on Sunday
-New room mate?!!?!
-New film classes
-SNOW!!! PLEASE?!?!

Not looking forward to:
-Below zero weather
-Having to walk to Jewel/class/everywhere in below zero weather
-Rollercoaster emotions for the first week
-New room mate?!!?!
-Math class

I gotta do it, just for a second: OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Okay so anyway, today is me and Ken's anniversary, 2 years. It feels so long, I can't remember what it's like to be without him, but it also sort of irks me when people are flabbergasted (yeah I said flabbergasted) at how "long" we've been together. My parents have been together about 15 years; my grandparents - let's not even begin to count - there's no comparison to that kind of love. I don't know what tomorrow let alone next month or year or decade promises but I hope when the time comes I can still see him by my side.

Awwww, mushy grossness.

I'm cooking him dinner tonight, whole grain pasta with shrimpies!!! and just some red sauce. I also bought a cream cheese cake even though I definitely shouldn't have since we're both trying to be healthy but it was just so fucking pretty. I'm gonna take my Rob and Big DVDs over there to watch because the first time we ever hung out we just sat at his house eating Chinese food and watching Rob and Big.

Oh man, this bitch still needs a shower, I'm already running late!!

Me and Dani finally got our matching tattoos!!! It was my Christmas present this year. LOVE IT, LOVE HER!!!!!!!!



Done by Scooter at Street Road Tattooz.

I was going through her portfolio and she had this bomb ass drawing of a two headed flamingo. I've been wanting some film related shit done, like an homage to John Waters, Tod Browning and Tim Burton.. maybe I'll throw a little Tarantino in there too since I was all about that nigga in high school. Anyway, I couldn't really think of anything besides just stills from the movies or something until I saw Scooter's drawing - it instantly reminded me of "Pink Flamingos" and now I have this great idea of how to incorporate all my favorite movies from those directors. I told her about it and I think it'll happen after the spring semester, maybe as a birthday present to myself since I come home a week after it. Hopefully I'll be able to save up the money, I'm supposed to be transferred to a Pep Boys out there so it better not fall through!!! Can't wait!!

Five more down!! That's ten in two weeks!!!! HOLLA ATCHA BOOIIIII!!!

***

Oh yeah, so I won't be posting my final film from this semester but people have been hounding me to at least put "Trashfuckers" up. It's part of the special features of the DVD. Half of it is me cursing into a Nagra recorder and the other half are clips of me saying stupid shit that she pulled from behind the scenes footage.

5 pounds down!

So I started the South Beach Diet yesterday and it's already getting hard. I want Fruity Pebbles SO BAD!!! And I'm having my doubts about this diet but I've at least gotta give it a week and see if it does anything. Really, after Phase 1, which is only two weeks, I'll be able to have fruits and other delicious foods, so it'll be a lot easier. Getting through these two weeks is going to be really hard though. The food already seems repetitive and blah blah but what's two weeks compared to the rest of my life? Just gotta fucking do it. I've talked to a few people about weight loss surgery and we're going to an informational thing on the 14th to learn more about it but that is totally a last resort. I don't even know how much my insurance would cover but if I do end up with a lap band I'd at least like to know I tried everything else. I'm pretty motivated, though. I weighed myself for the first time in months and realized I'm creeping up to a certain number that I promised myself I'd never reach. It hit me really fucking hard and so it was perfect timing when a friend at work told me about South Beach. She did it and lost 50 pounds in 6 months. Now I know not everyone will experience the same results, but it's encouraging to know someone else who's succeeded, who has felt the same as me, and who is in reach if I need help. We had lunch together and she gave me a few tips on what and how to eat. She has a few more pounds to go before hitting her goal so she's actually going to try the diet again so it'll be even better to have someone who's doing the same thing as I am.


On another note - I started work! The people are really cool and the job is easy and fun. Saturday they sent me out on my first run alone to fucking PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY. Do you know where that is? It's in the middle of nowhere. I got SO FUCKING LOST. And even though I had a panic attack and had to pull over to find a gas station but instead kept finding farms and even though after I finally got directions, a big black man pulled up next to me asking if I was married and even though I felt so dumb and annoyed and wanted to kill things - it was awesome! I really love driving. At first I was pissed that they sent me on such a long run but it's pretty relaxing and I can talk on the phone even though it's illegal in Jersey but whateva I'm a bad ass. I hope I'll be doing this in Chicago if I transfer to the store out there.

Time to boil some eggs. YUM!!!!!!!!!!