I was "in love" with Jack for years, since I was about twelve. Once I entered a "real" relationship, though, I realized that Jack was only a stupid middle school crush. I saw him for the last time yesterday - he'll be moving across the country, to LA, tomorrow. Granted I had a few drinks in me, I got very emotional, though words were barely exhanged. Looking at this picture makes me feel even worse, I thought I forgot how to smile that way.

Today was better.


I think I need to just keep things with Ken as strictly friends. I can't deny how I feel about Matt, but I can't deny how I feel about Ken. I guess it's just hard to determine the outcome of this considering one is across the country and the other was my first love. There's no way to compare the situations. Eh.



On a totally different note, the Zee Docta crew is moving to LA in like four days, their last show is Saturday. I don't see Jack often, but it's just gonna be weird. I've known him since I was like fucking eleven or twelve. :(



Blah, blah. I haven't touched a camera in months. I've been craving it, but I just have no time or resources. I miss the summer at UArts, making movies everyday for a fucking MONTH. That was the life, no restrictions and being surrounded by people who actually WANTED to be there and actually LOVED the art. I was so content and motivated. I haven't felt that in so long.

I went to Ken's to pick up my shit today.

I was silent.

There was a new picture in the frame mine used to be in.

But my toothbrush was still in place.

He put my things in a bag.

We sat on the couch.

When I'm nervous I bite things.

When he's nervous he's jittery.

My lips are raw.

He barely sat.

His band showed up.

I walked to the door.

We hugged and I didn't let go.


I don't think I can let go.



WHAT THE FUCK I'M DOING THIS TO MYSELF.

I don't really have anything to say in here. Livejournal's where it's at. But I guess I just wanna be like all the cool kids i.e. I just wanna stalk them.